Last night I was fuming. Fuming, I tell you. It was 11:50 p.m., and I was finally able to sit down and eat my dinner. 11:50! Oh, and the husband? He had been in bed for at least two hours.
Hmm...something strike you as not right about that whole situation? Especially considering that said husband considers himself to be a feminist?
Today I'm just in a pissy mood and frustrated with the whole thing.
I mean, seriously, I am home with the two children all day. By myself. I feed Kruf two entire meals and several snacks, I nurse Teuf on and off all day long, and I somehow never manage to make the mess that Husband makes when he's alone with the kids for three to four hours in the evening when I'm out of the house trying to FINISH MY THESIS.
Yet, after waking up at 6:30 a.m., taking care of the kids all day until 4:30 p.m., playing with them outside and attending to their needs, cleaning the house, doing the laundry, and then trying to switch gears and get into "academic" mode for a few hours to try to write, when I arrive home ready to eat, I find the house a disaster area, the wee one not in her pajamas, the older one about *thisfar* from having a meltdown because he's so tired, and Husband ready to go to bed.
Seriously? Seriously?? I had lunch at 12:30 p.m. and snacked on a few cookies before I headed to the library. It is now 9:30. The wee one wants to nurse, the older one needs to be in bed, oh, about an hour ago. Apparently Husband can't handle that when he has both of them. So, I sit for the next hour and a half nursing Teuf, trying to get her to sleep.
When she's finally down for the count at just a bit before 11, I finally get to put her into bed. Finally. I ask her father to come and help me clean up the house, which looks like one of our friendly springtime tornadoes has plowed through it--not one room is untouched, not even the laundry room, and HE asks ME if I'M serious. Seriously? He says it's not worth it for him to get up and help me since he'll only be helping for 10-15 minutes. WHAT??!!??
I mutter "whatever" and head off to spend the next HOUR cleaning up HIS mess, or the mess that was made on his watch. (I'm not even going to get into our obvious differences in cleaning standards. I'll save that rant for another day.)
Finally, I get to eat at a bit before midnight.
What is it about men that they can't fathom this thing that so many women I know are proficient at--multitasking? If the husband is watching the kids, heaven forbid he have to do something else like, say, do a couple of loads of laundry or CLEAN UP THE TOYS WITH THE KIDDOS BEFORE DINNER.
For a while there I thought it was just my husband, but the more I've talked with other women who are married to men, the more I realize that it's something nearly all guys do. I'm sure it has nothing to do with patriarchal privilege, which often allows men to be raised without acknowledging the real work that goes into maintaining a clean, orderly household. You can bet that my son is going to understand that concept. If only I could retrain his father, or at least get through to him why I need his help. I have a feeling that's never going to happen.
And the really frustrating thing? How much you want to bet the same exact thing as last night will happen again this evening?
Sigh.
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6 comments:
I'm with ya sista! I go to a two hour meeting (with J!) and come home to a mess and R says "I had the kids!". Wow! Ya did? What do you think I do ALL day, every day? I love him dearly, but some days he just doesn't get it. I am so lucky to be able to stay home with my kids because that is truly what I want to be doing, but some days I feel like I've woken up in the 50's and my husband sorta likes it that way (a little). Whoa, rant over. :-)
oh girl, do I know how you feel. here it is Friday night (my weekend too!) and SO is off to take care of "work-related" business while I'm home CLEANING. CLEANING as in scrubbing, mopping, sweeping, dusting...not as in "I put away my laundry so why don't you move your piles of school stuff"....grrrrr...all of this can drive a woman to drink, I tell you. Speaking of which, it is 11 o'clock and I am going to do just that - have a drink!
ps: I just stumbled across your new blog. I like it..it's raw Loretta!
Linda-Feel free to rant anytime on here. :) I'm kinda feeling like that's what this blog is going to end up being--my rant spot. I hear ya about waking up in the 50's, too! When that's feeling a little too true, I tend to get an attitude, and it's not usually pretty round these parts then... That's definitely NOT what I signed up for, and David knows it, although he often forgets it--or chooses to forget it... ;)
Maria-I hear ya about what cleaning means! Surely you remember the "cleaning" issues we had at 601 Montgomery back in the day... I'm envious of your drink. Drink another one or several for me 'cause you know I haven't done hardly any of that in, oh, almost three years. I miss Blacksburg and all you women and long nights at the Cellar and the inevitable crazy late nights at one of our houses after Thom kicked us out of the bar...(insert whiny Loretta voice in that previous sentence) :( I can't wait for our mini-reunion at your wedding in July!!
There are times when MacTroll has Xander and the same thing happens. They start off in the family room and then go to the play room and then end up in X-man's room... and it's all torn to shit.
I come home and MacTroll's already to nap with X-man. And I'll be just shocked. "He knows how to pick up his toys, remember?"
And my husband will look at me and say, "Oh yeah. I guess I'm just bad at making him do it."
Blah!
So why did you clean it up before eating? That is poor self care, IME. I would have left it as it was until the next day when we could discuss that.
My mess tolerance is supa high though. I realized I was the only one picking up toys and vacuuming, plus it enraged me when I had to ask and wheedle and set timers and threaten to get help. So you know what I did? I quit picking up toys and vacuuming - for a MONTH. I'm not the maid - I'd rather be blogging or gardening than picking up toys and vacuuming.
We have white carpet and three cats. Still I did not vaccum. And my husband finally noticed and did it himself. Now I will return to some regularly scheduled maintenance.
I know this is an older post but I just had to comment here. I SO get you here. I feel this way a lot. I have all 4 of the kids all day every day and if I am gone for 2-3 hours - everything falls apart!
So glad to hear someone vocalize what frustration I have felt for years!
You Go girl!
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