Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Gun Gluttony

While the issue of guns and gun violence are often swirling around in my brain, I have been thinking about it almost constantly the past few days, and it is certainly at the forefront of my brain tonight as I sit here writing this post.

You see, a few weeks ago, I read this. This took place the town over from where I grew up, nestled in the "safe" foothills of the Blue Ridge Mountains. These reckless men/boys were shooting at cars along a highway I've traveled upon more times than I can count. A highway that those near and dear to me--my family, my best friends--drive upon with great frequency. And these men put their lives and the lives of many others at risk because guns are too accessible in our society, a society that is plagued by irresponsibility.

And today, today marks the one year anniversary of one of the events that will be a permanent part of my life, an anniversary that I won't ever forget, for it marks the day on which another reckless young man took the lives of 32 innocent and brilliant human beings before turning the gun on himself at my alma mater. I remember exactly what I was doing when I found out what had happened, how I spent the rest of the day glued to my computer screen, watching the events unfold, anxiously awaiting the emergence of more details on what had happened, waiting to hear from my family and friends to find out if they were okay. Like my parents before me who remembered where they were when JFK was shot, like my grandparents before them who remember what they were doing after the invasion of Pearl Harbor, this day, April 16th, what I was doing, what I was thinking, will be forever etched in my memory.

It is with fear and trepidation that I contemplate the world I have chosen to bring new life, the next generation, into. It is a world rife with violence and pain. Last year, on the morning of April 16th, I was thinking of how best to celebrate the one year anniversary of my son's birth two days later, but all that changed when I heard the first rumblings of what was happening in Blacksburg, the place I still consider to by my truest "home." During this time when I should have been reveling in the wonder of pregnancy, birth, the wonderful life my partner and I had created, and my son's transition from infancy to toddlerhood my mind was otherwise consumed with images of violence, pain, anguish, torment. It is hard to consider the beautiful elements of the world, of life, when confronted with the worst in such a dreadful manner.

Likewise, just one short month after the birth of my daughter, I found myself again faced with the same bleak mindset following another campus shooting, this time not at my alma mater, but perpetuated by a student enrolled at the university in my current hometown, a university where my partner is also a student. Again, a time when I should have been marveling at the perfect innocence in my arms, I was instead contemplating the cruelty of mankind.

Why? Why? Because many of our country's leaders are reluctant, if not outright opposed, to restricting access to guns. Guns are used to inflict harm, to kill people. They have no other purpose. Guns-rights proponents have taken the Second Amendment far, far beyond its intended scope. Much of the gun violence we see today in our society is due directly to the abundance of guns available and the ease with which people can obtain them. I find it appalling that in both campus shootings I referenced above, the gunmen obtained at least some of their weapons from an ONLINE dealer. Online! No face-to-face interaction, just a click of a button and the gun is yours.

I have no solution. I just needed to write about what I am feeling tonight/today. Gun violence has marred the lives of so many I love and many, many more whom I've never met. As I mentioned earlier, it's also irrevocably intertwined, in my own mind, with the nascent lives of my dear children. As a mother, I feel the need for gun control even more urgently. I do not want my children to feel the fear and pain their parents, especially their father, have felt because of gun violence. I want them to feel free, to enjoy life, to love, to be fulfilled and happy. Yet, I cannot help but be afraid of what the future holds for them, and their contemporaries, if we do not change things to make this a safer, better world for them.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Library Love?

So, I have this love/hate relationship with the new home of our local library. As a grad student desperately trying to finish writing my master's thesis (especially as one with two small children at home), I love the library. Its wide open spaces, the serenity I feel when I set up "shop" at a table in a corner on the second floor, the huge windows out of which I gaze upon some of the town's beautiful older buildings. I can focus, get work accomplished, all the while accompanied by the muted sounds emanating from the library's other patrons. The airy space is accentuated by the building's "green" elements--bamboo walls and floors (in select locations) and natural light, among others--and it is beautifully designed. As an adult, I love this library.

As a parent, however, I could not detest it more. Today was the most recent in a long list of times I have visited this, my, beautiful new library by myself with my two small children. Two small children under the age of two. While, as a student, I love the library, many of those same features that I adore foster loathing when I visit as a parent. The open space means many hiding spots for an active almost-two year old boy. There is no mom time when I'm at this library, not chance to chat with other adults who happen to be there with (or without) children. I can't sit down because assuredly as soon as I do, I will need to jump up in order to ascertain where my rambunctious child has gone. (It does not help that said child's father thinks it's fun to play "hiding" or "chase" in the library with said child--of course, he rarely takes both children to the library, and if he does, it is to bring the wee lass so she and I can nurse when I'm writing.)

Going to this library is perhaps the most tiring outing we undertake. Ever. After wrangling the boy, nursing (of course, I don't think we go anywhere without nursing at least once there) the girl, talking about sharing and curtail the number of non-sharing altercations, and chasing my ever-active almost-two year old in and out of all corners of the place, I am worn out. I don't think I feel more tired after an intense workout class at the gym than I do after a morning at the "peaceful" library.

And to think, it all could have been avoided if those architects who designed the multi-million dollar space had had the ingenuity to corral off the children's section. Like the other library in town, which coincidentally, is one of my favorite places to take my kids...but not my thesis.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Insidious Ignorance

Last night I was fuming. Fuming, I tell you. It was 11:50 p.m., and I was finally able to sit down and eat my dinner. 11:50! Oh, and the husband? He had been in bed for at least two hours.

Hmm...something strike you as not right about that whole situation? Especially considering that said husband considers himself to be a feminist?

Today I'm just in a pissy mood and frustrated with the whole thing.

I mean, seriously, I am home with the two children all day. By myself. I feed Kruf two entire meals and several snacks, I nurse Teuf on and off all day long, and I somehow never manage to make the mess that Husband makes when he's alone with the kids for three to four hours in the evening when I'm out of the house trying to FINISH MY THESIS.

Yet, after waking up at 6:30 a.m., taking care of the kids all day until 4:30 p.m., playing with them outside and attending to their needs, cleaning the house, doing the laundry, and then trying to switch gears and get into "academic" mode for a few hours to try to write, when I arrive home ready to eat, I find the house a disaster area, the wee one not in her pajamas, the older one about *thisfar* from having a meltdown because he's so tired, and Husband ready to go to bed.

Seriously? Seriously?? I had lunch at 12:30 p.m. and snacked on a few cookies before I headed to the library. It is now 9:30. The wee one wants to nurse, the older one needs to be in bed, oh, about an hour ago. Apparently Husband can't handle that when he has both of them. So, I sit for the next hour and a half nursing Teuf, trying to get her to sleep.

When she's finally down for the count at just a bit before 11, I finally get to put her into bed. Finally. I ask her father to come and help me clean up the house, which looks like one of our friendly springtime tornadoes has plowed through it--not one room is untouched, not even the laundry room, and HE asks ME if I'M serious. Seriously? He says it's not worth it for him to get up and help me since he'll only be helping for 10-15 minutes. WHAT??!!??

I mutter "whatever" and head off to spend the next HOUR cleaning up HIS mess, or the mess that was made on his watch. (I'm not even going to get into our obvious differences in cleaning standards. I'll save that rant for another day.)

Finally, I get to eat at a bit before midnight.

What is it about men that they can't fathom this thing that so many women I know are proficient at--multitasking? If the husband is watching the kids, heaven forbid he have to do something else like, say, do a couple of loads of laundry or CLEAN UP THE TOYS WITH THE KIDDOS BEFORE DINNER.

For a while there I thought it was just my husband, but the more I've talked with other women who are married to men, the more I realize that it's something nearly all guys do. I'm sure it has nothing to do with patriarchal privilege, which often allows men to be raised without acknowledging the real work that goes into maintaining a clean, orderly household. You can bet that my son is going to understand that concept. If only I could retrain his father, or at least get through to him why I need his help. I have a feeling that's never going to happen.

And the really frustrating thing? How much you want to bet the same exact thing as last night will happen again this evening?

Sigh.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Initial Introduction

Welcome friends! You've found my newest cyberhome, the place where I hope to write down my musings, the minutiae that's flying around my brain throughout the day. I created this blog to try to get back into the habit of writing every day--whether it's a few sentences on some trivial details from my day or a more formal post on a more serious topic.

That being said, I hope you enjoy what my ruminations, and if not enjoy, I hope it at least makes you think, for as Lorraine Hansbury wrote, "Never be afraid to sit awhile and think."